I’m super tired, and I should really get some sleep, but man, after a long day with the kids I can’t get enough time all to myself. I love my kids, and I don’t ever want them to feel like they’re a burden at all. I also love homeschooling my kids. I love that it allows me to be with them all day and to be the primary influence in their young lives. All that being said, I’m a much happier and more understanding mom when I have a little bit of time to myself, either at the beginning or the end of the day (or both!) to get in some scripture study, read a book, blog or something else to expand myself. I remember as a young child after bedtime pestering my mom with questions and repeated trips to the bathroom and requests for water my mom would say, “Ok girls, I’m done being mom for the day. Don’t get out of bed or call me unless there’s an emergency!” I totally get it now haha.
I kind of cringe a little internally when people talk about “self-care” and “me-time”, because I think there’s an underlying selfishness to a lot of it, but at the same time, it’s important for us mama’s (and dad’s for that matter) to fill our cups so to speak, so that we have more to offer our families and communities. I love how Abbie Halberstadt put it in her book “M Is for Mama”, that what we need isn’t more self-care, but more soul-care. More time spent in God’s word and more time edifying and educating ourselves and exploring things that we are passionate about.
When our band split up, I didn’t realize how much of my identity was wrapped up in the band until I wasn’t doing that anymore. I felt lost and without purpose for a while. It was a really hard transition and I was unhappy, which was hard on my kids too. I spent a lot of time praying about how to pull myself out of the dark place I was in and I felt inspired to take a family herbalist course. I’ve always had an interest in natural remedies and holistic health, but had never really pursued it before. I was hesitant to spend the money and make the time commitment, but I finally decided to go for it. It was a lot of work, and I spent many hours doing schoolwork alongside my 1st grader, but it brought me so much joy! I couldn’t believe how drastically that effort changed my demeanor and attitude towards life. I had a new passion and focus. I could feel my mind expanding and it gave me a renewed sense of purpose and worth. I was no longer stagnant. I was experiencing growth and I felt capable and confident again. It was a small act in the grand scheme of things, but it was a major turning point for me.
Since then, anytime I find myself in a slump, I know it’s time to expand myself, to learn something new. I started this blog as a way to express myself creatively and have an outlet for my love of writing. I took a Yoga Teacher Training course throughout my last pregnancy. It was extremely challenging to navigate, with morning sickness and fatigue and all that comes with pregnancy. But it kept me moving and I’m glad I did it! I had a really difficult time falling asleep at night towards the end of my pregnancy, so I spent many late night hours reading books on various homeschool methods. That time has helped shape my vision for our homeschool life and has helped me to feel much more confident as a homeschool mom. In the past couple of years I’ve learned how to do headstands, just for fun 🙂 and now I’m working on forearm and hand stands.
There’s so much more I want to learn…I’d love to learn a new language, continue my herbal studies, start writing music again…
Lately my evenings have consisted of watching YouTube videos about photography. Kelly and I bought a camera a couple years ago that’s been collecting dust and I’m determined to learn how to use it! Feel free to send me all the photography tips!
I don’t share any of this to toot my own horn…I have so many shortcomings and all of these things have built incrementally over a long period of time. I certainly can’t “do it all” and most days I wish I could do more. I just try to do a little extra here and there where I can. I only share in the hopes that it might inspire you to pick up that instrument you’ve been wanting to learn, start that business or blog, read (or write) that book you’ve been thinking about, start learning to paint or pick up a new hobby. It doesn’t have to be anything huge. Whatever it is that gets you excited, just do it! Don’t wait for conditions to be perfect and don’t expect perfect results. Just start something.
Expansion is life. I look at my children, with their wonder and excitement for the world, because everything is a new discovery for them. When life is feeling dull and colorless, maybe it’s time to learn something new and reignite the wonder inside of you. You’re never too old or too busy to explore something new, even if it’s small. Your future self will thank you for it 🙂
I LOVE that “soul care” mentality instead of self care. I STRUGGLE with typical self care. It ends up with me feeling selfish and like my time could’ve been better spent. I got a massage once and afterwards was filled with regret for the time I spent away from my family. Tony had the kids at home and everyone was totally fine when I got home, but I wasn’t fine, and self care is supposed to be helpful, right?! But soul care?! I can get behind that. For me, soul care is watching “You’ve Got Mail” for the umpteenth time or writing a song on the piano or going on a walk with my dog or sometimes it’s sitting on the couch eating a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream while scrolling on FB but more often than not, it’s doing service, volunteering, or bringing meals to families in need. Doing things that fill MY SOUL, not just creating “me time”. So soul time is definitely more up my alley! Thank you for sharing this post. Its kinda rejuvinating!
Mom guilt is a real thing! It’s a balance for sure 🙂
Hi, Kendra. I haven’t connected with you since the band broke up, but I still listen to your tracks on youtube. I have adopted the role of elder/mentor for a group of my Seminary kids, and send them text messages almost every day. I try to cover things I know they won’t get it school, and things of which I have a unique personal testimony. This is the message I sent them yesterday, and reading your “Mommy Blog” just now I thought you might find something in this you can use. If not, Sweet dreams and Godspeed!
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Woke up this morning in a frightful funk. Nothing like funky music or Funky Town, just a spit-on-the-floor-and-say-bad words grumpy. Well, 3 hours at the rifle range, beating the snot out of steel plates and letting a few good rifles beat the snot out of me cured it!
Now, most folks would think that’s pretty messed up or plumb stupid, but it has always worked for me. And oddly enough, today it made me think if y’all.
Covey told about a woodsman who was supposed to be cutting down a bunch of trees. The 1st day he worked 8 hours. The 2nd day, 10 hours. The 3rd day, 12 hours. He was exhausted, but it seemed that every day, he cut fewer trees than the day before. Finally, his wife asked, have you taken the time to sharpen your saw?
He took the 4th day off and sharpened his saw, and from then on it was just zip, zop, “TIMMBERRR!”
A few things can sharpen my saw when it seems all the trees are iron: spending time with my kids will always do the trick, but that’s getting real hard to arrange. Target shooting is another sharpener for me.
What sharpens your saw? What turns your trees from Iron to sugar pine? Whatever it is, don’t neglect it. Y’all are under tremendous loads with school, church, friends, work, (and maybe sweetiepies, eh? Wink. Wink.) Take care to keep yourselves in good working order, ’cause here’s a secret: sure as shootin’ ain’t nobody gonna do it for you.
I love that! Thanks for sharing!
I loved reading your post, Kendra! And I think you’re right – it’s invigorating and empowering to learn something new! Also think you’re right about soul care – I need to get up earlier so I get a good prayer said before the hustle starts. My days go better when I set that tiny amount of time aside.
It makes a huge difference!
I love that you use writing as an outlet to express your feelings. I’m glad you have found joy in your life again. When the band broke up I was sad about that (still am). I really enjoyed seeing you all and the time we got to spend together was special to me. Continue writing, it’s therapeutic in itself. You will always have a listener and friend in me
Thank you Ron ❤️ I hear Alisa got to see you at Strawberry fest! Sorry we missed you!
Having something that you can do to relax for alone downtime is healthy for you. Whether it is blogging, going for walks or just quiet meditation time away from everything and everyone. I like to take my camera and shoot nature photos. I have bird feeders in the backyard and take a lot of bird photos. Check out my photos on my Facebook page. Get a decent camera with a 55-300mm lens and have some fun. Shooting candid family activities is also relaxing and fun.
I’ll check out your photos! My boys and I have been studying birds this year, so that sounds really neat.
Keep writing you’re so good at it.
Thank you!
Thank you Kendra for giving us a brief look into your life. I just know yours is the kind of life that good songs come from and you are a good writer and good songwriter. I hope you can be inspired in your career. May God guide you to be your best.
Thank you so much!
I never married because the two girls I was engaged to wanted children and I didn’t, coming from abusing parents , I didn’t want to continue the trend with my kids. I don’t regret it and I admire people like you that have to raise a family , especially in a Godless society we live in today.. wish you many blessings Miss Kendra !❤️🙏
I never married because the two girls I was engaged to wanted children and I didn’t, coming from abusing parents , I didn’t want to continue the trend with my kids. I don’t regret it and I admire people like you that have to raise a family , especially in a Godless society we live in today.. wish you many blessings Miss Kendra !❤️🙏
I’m sorry you had to experience that growing up ❤️ It is a challenging time to raise kids for sure, but I’m grateful for the opportunity!